You ever notice how people will give advice like it’s the key to life, but when you ask them if they’d follow it in your shoes, they get quiet real quick?
It’s like they’ve got all the answers until the spotlight’s on them
and it’s giving ‘Do as I say, not as I do.’
And, honestly, I’ve been there too. I'm no better.
I’ve had those moments where I’ve given advice I wouldn’t even take myself.
But self-reflection teaches you a lot about how and why you give advice and why sometimes, we need to check ourselves.
Let's unpack that!
Sometimes Advice Sounds Good, But Is Not Always Practical
Advice is easy to give when you’re not living through someone else’s circumstances.When people are sitting in their comfort zone, with no major risks on the line, it’s easy to say, anything. But when you’re navigating your reality, dealing with emotions, relationships, and hard choices, it’s a whole different ballgame.
It’s easy to forget that what worked for someone else might not work for you.
Their situation, their resources, their mindset—all of that factors in.
What works for them doesn’t come with the same complexities as your situation. The truth is, you wouldn’t be in their situation, not because you make better choices but because you don’t need to learn the same lessons they need to learn.
Again, it doesn’t make you smarter or better, it just means your growth is different.
Your challenges are different. And that’s how life works.
Supporting someone means holding space for their decision-making process, not rushing them into “better” choices based on your own perspective.
It’s not about pushing them toward what you think is best, it’s about being there while they figure it out for themselves, without judgment.
It’s Not All About Luck, It’s Circumstance
People love to throw around advice like a magic solution.But life isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing.
Relationships, career moves, and even personal growth are about more than just knowing yourself. They're about the circumstances you're in, the people around you, and the luck of the draw.
Take relationships, for example. They aren’t always about “self-love” and “knowing your worth”, nope. Sometimes, it’s about timing, mutual effort, and meeting someone halfway.
And honestly?
Sometimes, healing and growth come from being in it, learning through it, not by standing on the sidelines trying to perfect yourself before you even dive in.
Supporting someone means acknowledging that their journey is theirs to take.
Instead of swooping in with your “perfect solution,” show up and listen.
Understand that their choices are a part of their growth process, even if you wouldn’t make the same ones.
Stop Acting Like You’d Do Better, Your Projecting and Judging
The most interesting thing about advice?
A lot of the time, the person handing it out wouldn’t even follow it if they were in your shoes.
They’ll tell you to take risks, cut ties, or leave a situation, but ask them if they’d do the same, and they might hesitate.
I’ve seen it, and I’ve been guilty of it.
I’ve had moments where I thought I knew what someone should do, only to realize I wouldn’t make the same choices myself if I was in their place. It’s a humbling experience, honestly, because it reminds you that what works in theory doesn’t always translate into reality.
Instead of acting like you have all the answers, it’s time to ask yourself: What would true support look like? It’s not pushing someone toward a decision, but being a solid presence as they navigate the tough calls themselves.
Let People Live
Look, we all know choices have consequences.That’s the part of adulthood we can’t avoid.
But at the end of the day, it’s their life to live, and their decision to make based on what feels right for them—even if they seem risky or uncertain to you.
Sometimes, the best lessons come from making mistakes, taking chances, and pushing boundaries. Growth doesn’t wait for perfect circumstances. You don’t always get the luxury of having everything figured out first. Sometimes, you just have to jump and trust that you’ll land where you’re meant to.
Real support is about letting people take those leaps, without hovering over them with "what ifs" and "should haves." It’s about trusting that they can handle it and being there when they need you.
Take A Moment To Reflect
We all have our judgments. It’s human nature.But when you take a moment to really reflect, you realize that people’s choices aren’t always as simple as they seem. What we don’t always acknowledge is the circumstances behind the decision—the fear, the limitations, the unknowns that play into it.
I’ve been in situations where I judged a friend for staying in a toxic situation or not advocating your themselves, thinking I had all the answers. But the truth is, their situation was way more complicated than I gave it credit for.
Sometimes, the choices you see from the outside aren’t as clear-cut as they seem.
And when you really reflect on it, you realize that life is more about navigating those complex situations than just following a neat set of rules.
Supporting someone is about walking alongside them in their decision-making, not telling them what to do. It’s about giving them the space to grow, to choose, and to live their life on their terms—without feeling like they have to live up to your expectations.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is be there and listen.
Let people make their own choices—because at the end of the day, it’s their life to live, not yours.
Love ya!
- Ash
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