Who I Am Is Not Up for Debate
You spend so much time just living your life, doing your thing, only for people to project their insecurities, assumptions, and straight-up wrong ideas onto you. And somehow, they turn their misunderstanding of you into your problem.
If you’ve ever felt like people only see their own issues when they look at you—girl, same. People love to project (and loudly).
People will look at you and see whatever makes sense for their story. It’s wild how much they’ll try to convince you that their perception of you is the truth.
The Weight of Being Misunderstood
I swear there's a special kind of frustration that comes with being misunderstood.
And, it’s not because you don’t know who you are.
It’s because so many people can’t see past their own assumptions to actually understand you. It's even worse when, they tell you to “figure yourself out,” as if the problem is you and not their inability to look, understand or simply comprehend deeper.
For a long time, I let that get to me.
Now I just let people talk.
I’d hear people’s judgments and feel the urge to prove them wrong, to defend myself, to make them see me.
But, the thing is, people sometimes confuse clarity with chaos.
Just because you make choices they wouldn’t doesn’t mean you don’t know yourself.
Maybe you’re aware of every risk, every potential pitfall, and you still choose to walk that path anyway. That’s not confusion, it’s courage.
You’re choosing to experience life on your terms, even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else.
And you know what I also realized?
People just be talking or they’re too uncomfortable with who you are because it forces them to confront who they aren’t. But, ultimately they don't care that much, so why explain?
Stop wasting your time.
No one else knows what it feels like to actually walk in your shoes.
Even people who’ve been through something similar can’t fully grasp your perspective. They aren't you. They don't have your circumstances, etc.
It’s like how three kids can grow up in the same house, with the same rules, and still turn out completely different.
Your journey is yours alone, and that’s why your choices don’t need to make sense to anyone else but you.
Who You Are vs. Who You Became
Here’s where it gets tricky though…
Over time, we naturally adapt to our experiences, often in ways we don’t even notice.
Like, maybe you’ve put walls up with people because you’ve been hurt too much before.
Or maybe you learned to hold back parts of yourself because someone made you feel like being "too much" was a bad thing.
So…
How do you differentiate between the real you vs the version of you that you may have created to survive difficult situations?
Part of knowing yourself is realizing that not every decision will be easy or look ‘safe’ to people who aren't you. And that sometimes you step into a situation fully aware it might end in a lesson or a blessing but its a risk you're willing to take.
And that making that decision is not because you’re confused or reckless.
It’s because you trust yourself enough to see it through.
It’s your choice to make.
Start asking yourself:
- “Do I act this way because it feels natural to me, or because I had to adapt to protect myself?”
- “If I were in a space where I felt completely safe, would I still act this way?”
For example, I had to confront how much of me being “chill” was actually me holding back my natural boldness to avoid making people uncomfortable.
I realized I wasn’t actually quiet.
I was just quiet around certain people because I didn’t trust them with the real me.
The thing is though…
The real you never actually disappears, even if you’ve buried it for quite a while.
It’s still there, waiting for you to stop apologizing for it and embrace it.
Letting Go of the Noise
Please know you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.
That’s not your job, and honestly,
most people don’t even deserve that amount of access to you.
For those moments when the misunderstanding feels overwhelming, tell yourself this:
- People’s perception of me says more about them than it does about me.
- If someone thinks I'm “too much,” it’s because they’re used to less.
- If someone thinks I'm distant, it might be because they’re not offering me the kind of connection that makes me want to open up to them.
- If someone thinks I'm lost, it’s because they’re projecting their own confusion onto me.
Here’s What I Know About Me
I’m not here to make people comfortable
I’m not here to shrink myself so someone else feels better about who they are.
I know who I am, and I’m not lost.
I’m just not what you expected, understand or what you’re used to.
I’m reflective and intentional.
I take time to understand myself because I’m not interested in being anyone else.
I’m bold when I need to be and quiet when it feels right.
I value loyalty, honesty, and independence.
I’m not apologizing for the energy I bring into a room.
I’ve done the work to know myself, and as people, we’re always evolving.
If that makes me "too much" or "too complicated" for you, that’s fine.
Because I’m not for everyone, and I’ve stopped pretending I need to be.
Sis, being misunderstood is inevitable.
But letting it define you?
That’s a you choice.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you know who you are and stand firmly and confidently in who that person is.
Stand ten toes down on it.
The people who matter will see it, and the people who don’t? They’ll fall where they align.
Your job isn’t to make yourself easy to understand.
Your job is to show up as you, fully and unapologetically and let the world adjust.
Nobody else carries the weight of your choices, sis.
It’s easy for people to judge when they’re sitting on the sidelines.
But it takes real strength to walk through life with all its risks, messiness, and unknowns.
You don’t make these choices because you don't know who you are, you make them because you’re growing, learning, and living life to the fullest.
Yes, every choice comes with consequences.
But avoiding decisions or only making the ones that others approve of is NOT truly living.
And that’s something no one can take from you.
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